The Year In Review..... Yeah Right!!!!

I cannot, in good conscience, bore and/or depress the Hell out of you people by doing a review of my experiences during the year of our Lord, 2008. I will, however, proselytize on some of the high and low times. This way I can discuss what I have learned, make you smile and maybe, just maybe, make you think. The year was marked with a great deal of turmoil. Amidst the turmoil, though, I managed to have some of the best times with Vivian that I think I have ever had. I cannot even count how many wonderful hikes we went on where we just zoned out and tuned into nature together. We had so many wonderful hikes in Usery Mountain Park where we identified animal tracks and examined poop!! My delicate little "Fashion Queen" telling me the difference between coyote and dog poop is a memory I will have for a very long time. Watching her grow and blossom over this last year has caused my head to spin on many occasions. The fart noises, the tickle tortures, the fashion shows, the dancing/singing concerts, the walks, the hikes.... All of it was just so incredible. Showing her a centipede for the first time and watching her perform in her 2nd Grade play were 2 highlights I won't soon forget. She is such an amazing spirit. She is such an attitude queen. She is her Father's Daughter. In addition to the wonderful and plentiful memories of Vivian over the last year, there were also some personal lows that I experienced. Up to and including my attempts at taking my own life. These were lows, yes. They were VERY dark times in my life that were the end result of a lot of dishonesty and poor self-esteem. The positive? Is there any? Yes. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about those around me. I learned a lot about those closest to me. I learned that I need to love myself before I can even pretend to love someone else. This includes family and friends. I have always liked myself. Just never learned to love me. I am learning. One Day At A Time. It's hard to love yourself when you are not the person you think you should be. The fact is, you have to find a way to love yourself unconditionally. I am learning to do this by modeling my self-love (sounds kinky) after the unconditional love I have for my daughter (not so kinky). I am having to teach myself this skill. It should be second nature, like breathing. I am getting there. I started by remaining positive over the Christmas season. I continue to do it by losing more weight and eating healthier. It's amazing what a drop in jean sizes can do for the old self-love. I learned over this past year that when all is said and done, you only have yourself to blame when things go bad. You make certain choices and you must accept the choices you have made. Accepting the choices means accepting the outcome and then, moving on. It has been a wild ride of a year for me. Too many ups and downs to count and recount. Suffice it to say, it has been a pivotal year in my life and I look forward to what 2009 has in store. I hope you are all able to reflect with a smile on at least some part of your past year and are especially able to look as forward as I am to the next!!! Happy New Year!!!!