I thought you meant Miranda Richardson.....Dammit!!!! Oh well.....

So, I spent yesterday doing something I never imagined I would do.... No, I did not spend all day at an S & M day camp learning all of the uses for a bondage mask and a cat-of-nine-tails..... I can truly imagine myself doing that......Hmmmmmmm.... Note to self, check on day camps for adults only. Anywho..... That is not what I was doing. At approximately 2:30pm, I found myself at the Best Buy store in Phoenix. Not just any part of Phoenix. Oh no. Had to be Deer Valley. 35 miles from my humble abode. Vivian and Grandma in tow. Now, either I really wanted a big screen that only that particular Best Buy had or I carted my ample ass all that way to ensure my sweet daughter's chance to meet Miranda Cosgrove in person. I know what you are asking. "Who the HELL is Miranda Cosgrove?" First of all, shame on you if you have kids and don't know who she is. SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!!!!! Second of all, does it matter? Really? I mean, seriously, if your child wanted to meet someone and get an autograph from them at a Best Buy, would it matter what their battery of work included? It just so happens that I do know Miranda Cosgrove and her battery of work because I watch TV with my kid. I find Vivian's shows a refreshing break from the A&E, Discovery Channel, and History Channel programs I tend to navigate towards. Miranda Cosgrove happens to be the star of "iCarly" on Nickelodeon. It's a cute show about a young girl who lives with her older brother and, along with her 2 best friends, produces her own Web show called iCarly. Vivian loves the show, and to be honest, I kinda like it too. Yesterday, as I was waiting for Vivian and her Grandma to return from a birthday party, I noticed in the Arts section of the paper that Miranda herself would be appearing at the aforementioned Best Buy signing copies of her new CD (she sings too!!!!). Well, I knew there would be a line. I anticipated that. I brought water bottles and Grandma. Water to hydrate, Grandma for smoke breaks. What I did not anticipate was the 1,497 other people that would be showing up to get an autograph as well. I also neglected to anticipate that only the first 500 would be guaranteed a chance to get anything. We were numbers 508, 509 and 510 in line. I could spend the better part of 6 or 7 hours typing all of the intricate, gory, exciting and terrifying details of the 5 hours we spent in the line but I will spare you. Believe me, I am sparing you. Suffice it to say, Vivian got to give Miranda the picture she drew for her and get her poster signed. I, myself, got her to sign 2 additional CD's and got a few pictures myself. I have a feeling I know what you people are thinking. You are wondering to yourselves why I am telling you this if I have no intention of bitching and moaning and including you in my private Hell. It's simple, really. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!! The amount of stress, struggle, anguish and annoyance I had to endure is inconsequential compared to the joy that Vivian got to experience. The fact that she gets to go to school in the Fall telling all that she met iCarly is more important than the bullshit Granny and I had to deal with. It is that simple. When you are a parent, there are times when you have to say, "FUCK IT!!!!!" Endure the pain. Suck it up. No matter what. It's your baby/babies. They may not appreciate it now. They may not appreciate it 10 years from now. They may never appreciate it. To Your Face. Inside those bodies of theirs though, they will know what you have done for them. Inside of those heads, they will always remember the sacrifices made, the things done, the lines waited in, the concerts/recitals/ball games gone to. If they don't or if they can't, there is nothing you can do about it but spend your life knowing you did all you could. Chances are, they will know. Hold out for it. The payoff is well worth it. At least, I hope it is.

C'mon.....Everyone is doing it.......Just try it..... What are you, a chicken?

"Do unto others as you would have done unto you." - The Golden Rule....




Well, it's a phrase we are all familiar with. What you folks may not know is that this simple phrase is a basic teaching that permeates every single major religion in our world. Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Baha'i Faith, Taoism, and Satanism (yes, Satanism, albeit their version states "Do unto others as they have done unto you" but hey, it's a start....). All of these religions have their own version of this rule but the general idea is the same. Treat people how you want to be treated. Be nice to people if you want people to be nice to you. Do good things for folks if you want folks to do good things for you. Seems pretty simple, eh? Yeah.... Sure it does.... So why is it so hard for people to live by this? Including myself? It seems like such a simple thing. Such an easy way to live through each day. Bullshit!!!! It's not easy. Wanna know why (don't make me say it......you are gonna make me say it aren't you...)? Too bad!!!! I am telling you anyway!!!!!
The reasons we find it so hard to live by this simple parable are as easy to understand as the parable itself. There are a few reasons and I will spell them out clearly as though I am expecting a solution. I am not, though. Expecting a solution. That is not what I am about. Solutions. I am all about causing the problems. Bringing them forward and letting y'all mull them over in your little worlds. Hoping with all of my heart that you will find a solution for me. Okay, here we go..... First problem is that the boundaries are not clearly defined, therefore they are left up to interpretation. Dammit!!!! I have a huge ass pimple behind my ear and now I have one on my chin that hurts like a mother fu.....Uhhhh nevermind...... Interpretation. That is where I left off, that is where I shall return now. If you look at the basic rule, there are no real parameters. Do unto OTHERS. What others? All others? Just family others? Just religious others? Just racial others? If you think about, I mean REALLY think about it, you will see that this is the very root of why this is seemingly so difficult to live by! So many people twist and use this rule to their own advantage and agenda. The Nation Of Islam is supposed to be a pure form of Islam where this parable is taught and yet they hate Jews and call white folk the "white devil." Christians preach this all of the time and yet look at the persecution of other religions throughout the centuries. Not real familiar with any hatred from the Taoists, Baha'i people, or the Buddhists but I bet if I search long and hard enough, I'd find some.....heh heh.... I said long and hard....heh heh..... Anywho..... With this lack of definitive borders, extremists have taken this phrase and turned it into a mantra for isolationism. It's okay not to follow this rule if the other guy ain't one of us! That really sucks. I think. Another reason why this is so hard to follow is basic human nature. I am going to quote one of my favorite movies again to explain this. In "The Untouchables," Robert DeNiro, playing Al Capone, says, "...if you steal from me, I'm gonna say you stole, not have you arrested for spittin' on da sidewalk...." Uhhhhhh what? How does this lead to The Golden Rule and human nature? Simple really. If somebody treats us like crap, we want to call them out. We want to return the favor, or lack thereof. So often it happens, we start our day off at Starbucks, McDonald's or some Quickie Mart and the person who takes care of us just puts us off. They were rude, they screwed up our order, they looked at us funny. Whatever the reason, we are now grumpy. As a result, we take this grumpiness with us to our next destination. Be it work, school, or whatever it is you people do during the day. Whatever it is, you now take your bad attitude and pass it along... Etc.... etc.... and so on.... ad infinitum. Even if you started the day with the best of intentions, one pimply-faced, snot-nosed, mean-spirited Barista from Hell has now caused you to pay the shittiness forward. That really sucks, too. There are , I am quite sure, many other colorful reasons why it is so hard for us to abide by the Golden Rule, and with the cynical mood I am in, I would love to bring them up, but I have to be honest with y'all..... This pimple on my chin is really pissin' me off and I don't want to be angry towards anyone tomorrow so I must end now. I am going to make the world a better place by popping my little problem right now!!!!!!

What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy?

"A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms... What are mine? What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy? Baseball! A man stands alone at the plate. This is the time for what? For individual achievement. There he stands alone. But in the field, what? Part of a team. Teamwork.... Looks, throws, catches, hustles.Part of one big team. Bats himself the live-long day, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and so on. If his team don't field... what is he? You follow me? No one. Sunny day, the stands are full of fans. What does he have to say? I'm goin' out there for myself. But... I get nowhere unless the team wins."


-Robert De Niro as Al Capone in "The Untouchables"





Okay, I will admit it. The above quote is a tad bit grim if you have ever seen the movie "The Untouchables." In the scene, Robert De Niro brilliantly plays Al Capone as he is addressing his top commanders in his organization. The above speech is given just before he takes a baseball bat to the back of the head of one of said commanders for screwing something up. It is a gruesome scene with a disgusting fade but the speech is GREAT!!!! I chose two of the lines from the speech for the title of this blog so that is why I felt it was almost mandatory to include the entire speech in deference to Mr. De Niro. Truth be told, the blog is actually going to be full of happiness and wonderful images of things that make me happy. I suppose since this blog will be about a few of my favorite things, I could have used a sweet and sappy quote from the Sound Of Music to lead things off..... Naaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!! Y'all know me better than that. It just wouldn't be like me. I may be a happier, stronger, and less cynical man than I was a year ago but I still have my rough edges. I can still be a bad ass and a rebel..... Well, kinda...... Anywho...... This blog is going to be about two things that make me smile. I mean ear to ear smiling. I mean smiling that just won't go away. Heart smile material. The first smile causer is the laughter of a child....Specifically my child..... The other smile causer is the love of a good woman... No specifics on this one because I said so.....
So most of you know I have a 7 year old daughter by the name of Vivian. If you are reading this on my blogspot website you have seen her picture when you first get here. She is the pretty little girl kissing me under the title "Me and My World." That is just what she is to me. My world. There are too many things about her that make her my world to go into detail on all of them. I can tell you this, though. Her smile and laughter are the 2 things that catapult her to the top of the very short list of favorite people in my life. To meet her is to know her smile is infectious. To play with her is to know her laughter can tame even the most ferocious heart. She is a sweet child. A passionate child. She is empathetic. Deeply spiritual. Loving. Caring. Smart and VERY observant. Things did not work out between her mother and I. She comprehends this and still maintains a level of adjustment that 2 teachers have commented on frequently. Her first 2 teachers in school have both made comments regarding her personality and how she is nothing like most of their students from "broken homes." She is amaZing. She blows me away. She makes me laugh. This is hard to do considering I am the funniest person I know. All of these attributes make her WHO she is but this blog is about WHAT she does to me. When she laughs, no matter what it is about, it puts a smile on my face that takes forever and a day to get rid of. Dammit, I just ended a sentence with a preposition..... Maybe no one noticed..... Keep going dummy.....You know what I am talking about, even if you don't have kids of your own!!! A child's laughter has incredible powers! It can cause a frown from even the grumpiest of Papa's to disappear in an instant. Vivian's laugh can do that to her Papa. It can make my worst day seem like a drop in a bucket. Maybe because I know all of the other good stuff about her. Maybe because it's a cute laugh. Maybe it's just 'cause I love her. Who really cares why. I just hope she never stops laughing.
The second thing that makes me perma-grin is the love of a woman. Hoo-ah!!!!! Love sweet love. A year and a half ago, I would have told you there is no such thing as love. If you pressed me hard enough to admit there was love in the world I would possibly relent to the idea of love but not that there was love out there for me. Not from a woman, at least. I would hope not from a man but definitely not from an evil, satanic, demonic, Hellish vixen who only wanted to, once again, suck the very life out of me and leave me for dead. No sir!!!! Did not want that. Not ever again. Guess what.....? I have changed my opinion of, not only women, but of love from women!!!!! I have discovered over the last year or so that it is possible to get love from a woman. I have discovered that said love is not too bad at all!!!! I have discovered that not all women are of the succubus species that most men have grown accustomed to. There are a few out there that really get it. They get men. They understand what we are and what we are about. They see past our crap and see through to the soft chewy centers and take it in all the way. They love us. This makes me smile. Every single day. It makes me smile ear to ear. It makes my heart smile. Wow, I did get pretty sappy there, didn't I? Glad I started off with De Palma. I would get labeled very unfairly, otherwise......