I know I've touched on this before but.....

Okay, before the perverts who read my blog on a consistent basis ( you know who you are people.... C'mon.....) get too excited by the title, I had better explain. I mean "touched on" as in spoke or written about before. That's it. Nothing nefarious. Nothing sexual. No actual touching will be taking place during the construction of this blog..... Well..... Sort of...... Never mind.... I do not have to justify myself to anyone. Anyway, back to the title. I decided to pick up a topic that has been set aside, for the most part, for quite some time. It is the topic of missing someone or something. I mean the kind of missing that wrenches your gut. I mean the type of missing that keeps you awake at night. I mean the type of missing that makes it difficult for you to focus on any one specific task because you are too busy missing someone or something. Not the kind of missing that makes you say, "Gee, I haven't seen or heard from so and so for a while..." Not the kind of missing where you realize after several days that you forgot to do something or say something to someone or with something because you really didn't care. Not the kind of missing where you are in the middle of something else when you realize you MIGHT have forgotten someone or something. The kind of missing in the first three, aforementioned, scenarios is what this blog is about. Plain and simple. REAL missing. I want to pick apart the first three scenarios and relate them to my present frame of mind and then delve into how I deal with it. Cool? Too bad. I'm gonna anyway. Okay, first scenario. Gut wrenching. Not a very appealing description for a human emotion or reaction to a situation but really, what better way to describe how you feel when you are missing someone. Gut wrenching, I have always felt describes the feeling that someone is literally taking a wrench to your gut, getting a good hold and twisting. It is not a pleasant thought or feeling. It is not meant to be. It is about as close as we can come to describing it without going too far and mixing it with stomach turning, which is something completely different. We just miss them and for some reason there is a physical reaction to this missing. Our gut feels wrenched. Plain and simple. It's it and that's that. The next scenario is being kept awake at night. I do feel as though this is quite self explanatory. Every time you close your eyes to sleep, the image of the person or thing you are missing pops in, unannounced. This causes a conscious and, perhaps, unconscious stream of thoughts that illicit emotions and feelings that are far too powerful to overcome thereby keeping our brain active, thereby preventing us from falling asleep. Your brain is an amaZing tool that does so many things but it is a very fickle tool. It needs certain and specific conditions to shut down temporarily (sleep). Too many emotions and thoughts of a person that we are missing creates an unfavorable condition for our brain to sleep. Hence, no sleep when we miss someone at the level that I am referring to in this blog. The last scenario is missing someone or something so much you are unable to focus on any specific task....... What was I talking about......????? Awww shit..... See what I mean????? Well, I have no clue what I was doing. I need to try to get some sleep though..... Have not been able to lately......And my stomach feels like someone has a wrench clamped down on it.....

Playground Politics were always such a bitch....

Remember in the '80's when the Psychologists' term of the month was "Get in touch with your inner child?" Many of us heard that and laughed. Some of heard that and started becoming concerned about having to register as a sex offender for the amount of times we touched our inner child..... Or maybe that was just me...... Anywho...... (awkward....) The phrase was meant to inspire adults to try to remember what it was like to be a kid. With the proliferation of the yuppie phenomenon and the economy on it's roller-coaster, people started working too much, stressing out all of the time, and just plain wearing themselves out. They went from a Dukes of Hazzard lunchbox to a 3 martini lunch at the little Italian joint downtown almost overnight. They woke up one day with all of this responsibility. No more all nighters with the Star Wars figures... It was stocks, bonds, mortgages, station wagons......and kids. They all of a sudden had to put away G.I. Joe or Barbie and start taking care of this little person on top of everything else. The kids wanted to be kids.... The parents wanted them to grow up. The Psychologists of the time said, "HEY!!!! Let them be kids!!!! Have you forgotten what it was like?" The adults didn't get it. They kept pushing and pushing. So the Psychologists had to come up with a way to grab the attention of said adults and make them WANT to get it. Hence... "Get in touch with your inner child." It had worked on the male population in the '70's. Remember? "Get in touch with your feminine side." The Psychologists figured either it could work on men AND women. Challenge them. Make them prove something. It's human nature to try and show the world that we are capable of doing something the world doesn't think we can do. So, the adults started getting in touch with their inner children. Movies were made about it. Remember Big? Tom Hanks breakout smash hit about the boy who wanted to be big, and then he was , and then he didn't want it anymore. How about Hook? (Yes, I know this one came out in 1991, but for all intents and purposes, it helps the story so back off!!!!!) The story of Peter Pan. Except Peter has grown up. He has forgotten how to "fly, fight, and crow..." It is not until he gets in touch with his Peter within....Hmmmmm.... That does not sound right..... Try something else....It is not until he sees his youth through the eyes of his children that he is able to live again. That's better.... Much better..... So, since the '80's, we have been trying our damnedest to keep this one alive. Whenever we find ourselves stressed, overworked or just plain bummed out, we call up that inner child and ask if they want to play. We bungee jump. We skydive. We dress up at Halloween. We host themed dinner parties that let us just have fun. We take our own kids to concerts and jump and dance and scream as loud as they do. We take them to sporting events and do all of the things we wanted to do as kids but weren't allowed to, like eat polish sausages, cotton candy and peanuts....Then we throw the shells on the ground and order one of those big cookies from the guy walking up and down the aisle just because..... Overall, I think we have done a pretty good job as a society at living up to and proving that we can do this. Sadly, though, there is a large segment of the population that has really fucked this endearing behavior up. There are those who have not only gotten in touch with their inner child, they also gave him a snuggie. They not only reverted back to their childhood ways in their extra-curricular activities, they also brought their child-like behavior into the boardroom. Into the bedroom. For whatever reason, they seem to believe that the playground politics work in everyday life. The philosophies of bullying, cliques, revenge, toy envy, and control have not only crept back into their lives, they have consumed these folks. These sad souls walk around everyday picking on the little guy so they can feel better about themselves. These pathetic people judge others solely by who they hang with as opposed to who they are as a person. These lonesome losers feel that every injustice deserves another injustice in return. These desperate dorks want what the neighbor has so bad that they are willing to destroy the neighbors posession just to make it all even steven again. These confused clowns think that being King Of The Hill gives them the right to push everyone around, even when they are not on the hill anymore. It's sad. It truly is. They have taken a simple, beautiful concept and turned it into something so painful, so hurtful, so goddamn worthless. That is what these people are. Worthless. I know you all know someone like this. You all know a bully. A control freak. An asshole. They are everywhere. They can be in our friendship circles. In our places of employ. In our homes. We may be acquainted with them. Assigned to work with them. Married to them. No matter how it is we come to know these freaks of nature, our number one goal now, and always should, be to avoid them. Get them out of our lives. The can do no good for us. They thrive on our suffering. They live to see our pain. Once we show them no pain, once we stop enduring the suffering and walk away, they lose their power. Just like the bully. Underneath all of the bravado and bullshit is a scared inner child that just wanted to play. Yeah? Well let them go play with themselves. I don't need 'em.