I knew it.....Dammit....I knew it......Oh....I'm over it....

You ever get the feeling that besides God, the Devil, the angels, the arch-angels and the demons that there is someone else up there that is in charge of messing up your days. For the purpose of this blog, I will call him Norman. Norman is not an angel. He does not have wings. He does not fly. He sits at a desk. He does not have a trumpet or a sword, he has a transistor radio and a pencil that is never sharp enough. He doesn't have horns but he does have horn-rimmed glasses. Norman is the day ruiner for Heaven, Hell and all stops in between. An other-worldly Comptroller, if you will. Norman does not like his position. He has never liked it. The problem is, no one will do it. The Heavenly representatives never want to do anything that could be construed as "not very nice." The Below-The-Earth contingency does not think that Norman's job is "bad" enough. So Norman is stuck. What is his purpose? What does the job-description read? Well, basically this.... If someone is having too many good days and too many good things happening, Norman needs to shake things up a bit. Send a bloody nose and a chafing problem to the fat guy. This way he can not only worry about his blood-pressure but he has to walk slowly and with a pronounced limp. See? Not enough to raise the eyebrows of the Satan-types but enough that the angels may feel kinda bad. Norman is the guy who sends the ants to the picnics. He opens the rain clouds on an important event that is non-religious and non-spiritual (i.e. weddings, sunrise services, funerals....these all fall under the God/Devil category). Norman gives you a cold sore the day before your first date with your dream woman/man or a big zit on your forehead the day of your Senior Prom. Got it? Harmless but hateful. Wrong but comical. Today, I hate Norman. I was cruising along....Got the cat.... Had a productive week.... Given some stuff to look VERY forward to.... And then Norman got a memo that I had too many good things going. The aforementioned fat guy with the bloody nose and chafing? Me. Also had a recently de-clawed cat spring a blood leak out of one of the sutures all over my shirt and the floor. This after he protested the shredded paper in the litter box (Doctor's orders!!!!) by crapping outside of the box, which is where? In my room. Yep. One of those days and I have Norman to thank. George Carlin once complained about people that always said "Have a nice day!" George believed that this was not right. Maybe he just had 63 nice days in a row and "By God, I am ready for a crappy day!!" Why doesn't anyone say that? "Have a crappy day!" Maybe if people did every now and then, Norman could take a little vacation. Get himself a Pina Colada and a shot of Tequila and get, the Hell, off my back! I am really making this sound worse than it was. It's all true, but what is also true is the fact that at the end of the day, my beautiful child and new feline friend (Hunter, by the way....I'll explain another time) posed for an awesome picture as they lay next to each other, ready for bed. It was touching. I was wiped clean of all of Norman's dirty work for that one, brief, shining moment. It was cool. Then I remembered that I am still excited about things to possibly come and that made me feel a lot better. All in all, Norman did his job. He ruined my streak of exceptional days. He will always get credit where credit is due. He'll just never get promoted. Thank God!