"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." - Ogden Nash

I think I am approaching some kind of record, but this is in fact the third blog I have written since this morning. It may be boredom. It may be a lot on my mind. It may be how shitty I have felt today. Couldn't even make it to the movie with Grandma and V today. I am afraid my Gall Bladder has got to go. Which, of course, means more hospital time. Which, of course, means more poking, probing, and groping which I usually like but not when it's done with needles, scalpels and cold instruments..... Well, the cold instruments can be fun...... Anywho, I will be honest with you, all of the pain and torment I have been going through as a result of this crap has caused me to reflect on my drinking days. So much damage done to my body. So much damage to my life..... So much damage done to my brain.... It boggles the mind what alcohol does to you. I told you about Jack-Jack. Never got the chance to tell you about Super Dave. Another case like Jack-Jack, just a few more years drinking and a harder time standing. I don't think I saw him walk until the last day of his detox. You know, as I sit here writing about this stuff, I realize so clearly that it is not the physical shit that goes along with alcohol that is so fucking bad. It's not!!!!! It's the damage in your head. The constant want and need for a drink. Or if you are a crack addict, the need and want for that..... Or if you are a gambler.... Or if you are a sex addict..... You literally have NO control over the impulses. If I did not have AA in my life right now, if I didn't have someone to call instead of of going out for that drink, I'd be drinking. I need a drink so bad right now it's not even funny. I am calling my temporary sponsor as I am writing this right now. I have to. If I don't, I'm drinking. If I'm drinking, I'm dying. Good song just popped up on my play list. "The Reason" by Hoobastank. There are those who say we should be our own reasons to change. Sometimes we don't like ourselves to make any changes so it's a damn good reason we have people to change for. I have 3 reasons to change. 1 of them is 7 and doesn't fully understand Daddy's problem, although it has been explained as best as I could. The other 2 know they are reasons. Just hope they get it.