Latin may be a dead language, but it's got some great sayings! Here are three!!

When I was in High School, we had to chose a foreign language. Everyone had to. We had to spend a few semesters in a classroom learning a language that we may or may not ever need. Usually, the instructors for these languages were as colorful as the language itself. I know that at my High School, this was all too true. There was Herr Bordwell. The German teacher. My German teacher. He looked like a cross between the Pillsbury Dough Boy and Adolf Hitler...That is no exaggeration. Great teacher, albeit a tad high strung. I know there was a woman who taught French and she was every bit of the stereotypical French teacher with the squeaky voice and the die hard insistence on only speaking French in class. Then there were the Spanish teachers and then... The Latin teacher... Mr Soto. Never had a day of class time with this man but I had many conversations with him. He was fascinating. Probably in his 60's at the time I was in High School. Probably too many substances during the 1960's as well. Very laid back. Very cool. VERY intelligent. He taught me a new Latin Phrase at least once a month during my senior year. Just for fun. Just because. There are three that have stuck with me throughout the years and in the last few weeks, these three phrases have become very prevalent in my life. Therefore, I felt compelled to share them. The first saying... Persona non Grata... Literally translated, the unwelcome person. Typically, this phrase is used in diplomatic situations where someone has stepped over the boundaries and is no longer recognized by a governing body. It can also apply to someone who feels on the outside of things. Outside for reasons that are not their choice. I consider it almost a state of being. Ever felt like a Persona non Grata? Like no one wants to let you join in the reindeer games? Like the world is having a good laugh and it's AT you, not WITH you. I hate that feeling. I may bring it on myself but I really don't like it. I have felt it recently and it sucks. When I start to feel that way, the best thing for me to do is move on to the next phrase which is... Carpe Diem... Seize the Day. We all remember the movie "Dead Poets Society." If you don't, you need to rent it. Seriously. This has to be a movie that you see. The phrase Carpe Diem was almost a theme for the movie. Seize the Day. Live life to it's fullest. Grab a hold and hang on. "Gather ye rose buds, while ye may..." Robert Herrick said it. I believe it. Knowing this, I can shake the old Persona non Grata feeling and start grabbing life by the horns. The last phrase is probably my favorite. It is one that has been attributed to Julius Caesar but there are many possibilities as to where it actually originated. The phrase... Alea Iacta Est... The Die is Cast. Uhhhhhh what? It's quite simple, really. Just as in the game of craps where once the die are thrown there is no turning back, this phrase means the dice have been thrown. Cast meaning throw as in cast away, or cast your fishing line. Caesar apparently said these words as he was leading his men into battle as if to say, "Hey boys, there is no turning back now! Drop your cocks and grab your socks because it is into the abyss!!!" So often, I have found this phrase to be a reassuring battle cry in my life when I have made a tough decision. Whenever I start to self-doubt or question a choice, I just remind myself, Alea Iacta Est. No turning back. The choice has been made. The wheels are in motion. You either stick to it, or fall behind and be left for dead. By the way, the phonetic pronunciation for this phrase, as near as I can tell, is a-lay yawk-taw es. I have also heard it pronounced o-lay yawk-taw-es. I am sure the Latins won't care. There are not too many of them around to get on you if you mess it up. I bet Mr. Soto knows the right way.....

Another "Inherit the Wind" moment... Brought to you by Marie Callender's...Makers of the best Humble Pie...

I had to talk about a moment that I witnessed today. It was a moment that I will not soon forget. One that has left an indelible mark on my brain. One that I will recall for years to come when someone asks me if I have ever seen a hero topple in person. We have all witnessed athletes, celebrities, and religious figures, who once had hero status, fall in disgrace due to their own greed or stupidity. These things usually take place on television. This way, even if they were our hero, we have this built in detachment that is the screen. They are not experiencing this right in front of us. They are thousands of miles away in their own world, not even caring what we think. It is far more rare to see someone you know, perhaps a hero of yours, fall from grace. I saw something like that today. Perhaps not a fall from grace, as it were. More like a weakness. realizing that Superman is weakened by Kryptonite. Finding out that Achilles can be killed if he is hit in the heel. That is what I saw today. How does this relate to Inherit the Wind? What comparisons can be drawn? Very simple. Matthew Harrison Brady (played by Frederic March) is on the stand being cross-examined by Henry Drummond (brilliantly played by Spencer Tracy) in the "Trial of the Century." Keep in mind that the movie is based on the Scopes Monkey Trial and that the courtroom scenes are actual court transcripts. During his cross, Henry Drummond is able to shake the very foundation that Matt Brady is standing on. This leaves Matt shouting incoherently and demanding attention and respect much to the shock of his many followers.... How could this great man be reduced to such a pitiful state? How does a God-fearing man of the Bible get destroyed by a Godless Agnostic in a battle of faith? The expressions on the faces of the followers as they leave the courtroom spoke volumes. They were watching their hero fall. The relationship would never be the same. I must say that what I witnessed was not a man who had been elevated to hero status falling before my eyes. Rather, a man who prides himself in his unflappable demeanor. His crusty, grumpy, outer-shell ever present. His strength in the face of stress and concern always on high. All of these attributes, taken away and he was reduced to tears with one phone call. A phone call that informed him that his mother is dying of cancer. If you know me at all, you have heard me talk about the chef at the restaurant where I work. A stubborn, gravelly voiced, opinionated black man by the name of Leonard. For all of his layers of crust, the man has a heart of gold. He is a boss. He is an asshole. He is a friend. It broke my heart to watch him suffer with the news. I was speechless. Yes, me. I was unable to come up with any words of comfort and encouragement. I felt they would seem insincere, contrived. So, I said nothing. Before I left, I placed my hand on his shoulder. As his back was to me, he had to turn around to see who was violating his personal space. There must have been a knowing look on my face or perhaps there was some influence from above, but this salty, angry, loud bastard actually hugged me. It was one of the most satisfying hugs a man can get from a man. It was just the right thing for both of us. I thought about ruining the moment and grabbing his ass, but I thought better of it....

The Meaning of Life.... No, not the Monty Python movie....The actual meaning....Well, sort of.....

So, yesterday was interesting. It was one of those days where, at the end of it all, you sit back and say...(plug your ears/close your eyes if you prefer PG rated stuff...) "Holy Shit!" I believe those were my exact words when my head finally hit my pillow sometime very late last night. It was a day filled with so many eye opening and life changing occurrences for me and those close to me that I just could not wrap my head around all of it. Some of the "occurrences" actually took place on another day, well actually just one of the "occurrences," but I just heard about it yesterday. I just noticed that I put quotes around "occurrences." I have done it every time I wrote the word "occurrences." Can't you just see me saying the word "occurrences" and making those little quote signs in the air as I say it? What a complete dork..... I need help.... Okay, back on task. It just seemed to me that yesterday was a day for realization. A day for contemplation. A day for discovery. A day to remember. There were 3 specific instances that I am going to be focusing on. There is no chronological order or order of importance to them. In one way or another, they all have a great deal of importance. Therefore, there is no one event more important than the other. Since yesterday ended up blending itself all together, I have eliminated the need for any kind of chronological order. Okay, that being said, let's go.... I got to talk to a very good friend of mine yesterday. He recently went to Las Vegas to join friends in celebrating a milestone birthday of a close friend of his. It was a surprise party. We all know that these things usually do not work out. Someone always spoils it or the surprise-ee always figures it out. Apparently, neither of these things happened in this case. In fact, it went off like a charm. The birthday boy was completely surprised. Everyone had a great time. There were a lot of tears as this party included many people the birthday boy had not seen in years. Including my friend. It was truly a magical moment. A treasured moment. A moment that I may never have heard about. I almost missed out on a chance to hear about this incredible time. My friend almost didn't make it to the party. He almost died on the way to Vegas. He is VERY lucky to be alive. You have to know this friend of mine to understand why his near death experience is no surprise to me. He is a hard-working man. A blue-collar, union-member, NASCAR- loving, no-bullshit, kinda guy. When he gets an idea in his head, he goes with it and rarely deviates. He had it in his head that he was going to drive to Vegas when the traffic was light and the sun was down so he was going to leave late and get in there early. Well, this approach is okay if you can stay awake driving at night. I, myself, cannot. He says that he can. He thought he could. As he was cruising the highway at 80 miles per hour his body decided to show him that he, in fact, could not. He nodded. Just for a split second. When he looked up, he was headed off the road and into a guardrail. Something caused him to gently pull the steering wheel to the right allowing him to avoid the guardrail which would have meant instant death. He avoided the guardrail only to go right off of the road and continue forward through the desert landscape on the side of the highway. Hitting nothing, he was able to navigate back on to the highway and regain control of the car. So, between missing the guardrail and not hitting anything while off-roading in his Acura sports car I would say that he was touched by some super-natural power that determined it was not his time. This also happened to my very good friend Connie's son, Trevor. Trevor was not in a car rather, he was hit by one. He was riding his bike home from school when he was hit by a car. Something he probably does 5 days a week for the entire school year. Same route. Same everything. It just so happened that on that day, some young girl (that goes to his school) with a history of driving problems, decided not to pay close enough attention to what she was doing. She hit Trevor. Hard. On his way to the hospital, he wanted to make sure the driver knew that he was okay. I was offered a position as a part-time instructor for a nationally recognized Bartending Academy. That's right. No transition. I just put that out there. It was the third incident that happened and I did not know how to tie it in until after the other stories were told but I didn't know how to segue into it so I just said it. Get over it. Okay, what do these 3 things have in common? What great "secret of life" did I discover as a result of these three "occurrences?" Life is not a toy. It cannot be played with. Life is an object d'art in your Grandma's living room that looks like a toy. You try to play with it. Somehow, as soon as you touch it, a cosmic wave gets sent straight to the nearest adult's spine and they rush into the room to quickly slap you across the face and remove the object from your grasp. That is life. When we think things are okay, when we think we can just cruise along, when we have given up hope, it slaps us. Hard across the face. It makes us realize how precious it is. How important it is. How important we are. It shows us that when we look and don't touch, it will reward us with it's beauty. If we are selfish, and we try to play, it will remind us. It always does.

Awwww Hell no.... Tagged again.... Dammit....

Well, thanks to my dear friend Connie, I have been tagged once again. What do I mean by this? Why does this seem to cause me so much distress? It is the simple fact that I now have to come up with 7 things that you people probably don't know about me or were afraid to ask. The part that really gets to me though is that I am supposed tag 7 people. Not going to happen. You cannot make me and I will not do it. Some people may be okay with piling on unnecessary guilt to unsuspecting fat guys but this fat guy won't do it. I won't. Watch me. I will, however, participate in the seven details about me. I have done this once before so i am going to try to come up with new facts. If I repeat, I am sorry. If you figure out that I have repeated, you either are obsessed enough with me to have memorized the last list or you dug deep into my archives to find out.... Either way, please, seek help. Okay, here we go...



1) I perform Shakespeare and have been paid well for it. Yep. That's right. This fat guy actually has other talents besides his amazing writing and brilliant work in the sack.... Ok, that second part, not really true.... Well, I am not the worst.... I am quite sure of that.... Anyway.... I have done many shows over the last 15 years with the Southwest Shakespeare Company and played a wide variety of roles. I was most recently in "Much Ado About Nothing" in the Spring of '06. It was great. I have a thing for the language. I have a thing for the bawdiness. I love double entendre. I have always enjoyed the stage. Shakespeare just makes it that much better.

2) I have taught Desert Survival classes for Maricopa County Parks and Recreation. The evolution of how I got that gig is quite funny. In my early years of teaching, I got a summer teaching job doing Summer School for elementary school age kids. There were some remedial classes but for the most part there were fun classes. Gave the kids something to do during the summer. One of the classes I taught was Desert Survival. It was fascinating. The kids loved it. I loved it. One of the activities was to have a Park Ranger come in. On one of the Ranger visits, the ranger stayed and listened to some of my presentation. He asked if I would like to develop the curriculum for adults and teach some classes out at Usery Mountain park. I obliged. It was great.

3) When I was in 2nd Grade, I was dead sure that when I grew up, I was going to be an entomologist. Ok, first of all, what the Hell is that? Well, Mr/Ms Impatient Pants, I was getting to that... An entomologist is a scientist who studies bugs. I loved bugs, apparently. So much that I swore that I was going to study them my whole life. My folks even went so far as to get me my own professional dissecting kit so I could dissect bugs. Well, this was a patently bad idea as we soon found out when I was dissecting more toys than bugs and at least once or twice, the "probe" got stuck in a few compromising places.... Bad times..... Very bad times..... Needless to say, between the horrifying experiences with the "probe" and my lack of any type of interest in getting a science based degree, this dream eventually died.

4) My favorite actor of all time is Spencer Tracy. Hands down. Bar none. I should not have to explain or justify this. So, I won't.

5) I love to Downhill Ski. Now, dammit, get the image of the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man careening down a mountain side at 250 mph. It's not like that. Really. I am pretty good. As long as I stay within my comfort zone and not try any Black Diamonds. For me, the fun of skiing is the feel of the breeze on your face as you glide down a spectacular landscape. The occasional spill or two is bearable when you are with friends and the chair lift always has something in store for you. When I think back to all of the good times I have had in my life, several of the top 20 are ski trips.

6) I could live on Apple Jacks and Cheddar Cheese Pringles. This is not a joke, people. These two creations are the two, single most important creations that exist on this little blue and green ball that is the third rock from the sun. If they were not around, I am quite sure that I would not be either.

7) I once canoed 50 miles down the Colorado River. I am an Eagle Scout. For those of you not familiar, that is the highest rank one can achieve in Boy Scouts. I was very fortunate that I was in an amazing Troop. Troop 288. The biggest bunch of trouble making, noise making, risk taking, illegal activity participating group of guys you would ever want to meet but they all had hearts. The men and the boys. We did so many things and I conquered so many fears it was incredible. I learned so much. I also got to do things that many people never will. Catch and release a rattlesnake. Hike for miles and camp the way God intended it. No luxuries. No comforts. I also got to canoe down the Colorado River. With my father. It was indescribable. The scenery. The camaraderie. Just incredible.

Ok. There you go. Feel like you know me better? Feel closer to me? Feel afraid of me? I think you should....I am messed up.....

"Some Enchanted Evening..."

So, do you remember the song mentioned in the title? If you have seen the musical "South Pacific," you have heard the song. The other times you may have heard it was any time in a movie/T.V. show/cartoon that two people noticed each other across a crowded room. This song would start slowly in the background as the eyes of the star-crossed lovers would meet. It would then crescendo and come to a climax as the couple met somewhere in the middle of the room. They would embrace with eyes locked in a pathetic stare. It could be the first time they met or a reunion, of sorts. Either way, you have seen the scenario played out many times and more often than not, "Some Enchanted Evening" is the background. Surprisingly, this blog is not about that song. It's not even about music in general. It's about that moment. That amazing moment when you lock eyes with someone across a room and suddenly, you are filled with a feeling that you just know feels right. Yes, I am about to get kind of sappy. Yes, I am going to spend some time touching my feminine side....Wait.... That did not come out right..... Never mind. You get the picture. Well, I hope you don't really have a picture of me touching my feminine side in your head.... That could be scary..... Moving on.... I had one of those moments last night. It was one where perhaps I was the only one that was so moved by that brief yet amazing moment. Honestly, whether the other person felt anything at the very same moment is of no real consequence. It would be amazing if they felt the same way but for the purpose of this blog, just the fact that I felt this pure rush of amazing yummy goodness is what counts. Reason? It has been a looooooonnnnnnnggggg time. Honestly, I cannot remember the last time that I experienced such exhilaration from a look. From a simple glance that lasted a couple of extra seconds. It has been forever if it has been ever. I just sat there after the moment had passed thinking to myself, "Wow! I just experienced one of those moments they talk about in romance novels!" For my male readership, I do have to say I am sorry for the preceding diatribe that made me sound like a weepy chick. For the ladies.... Yeah, that's right, baby, there is a single guy out here who is into the "special" moments and he is looking for you....Well, I gotta tell ya, this past weekend was full of moments in which I experienced feelings that have been long absent from this old, fat guy's arsenal of emotions. It was refreshing, amazing, exciting and did I say amazing? Amazing. Amazing. What else can I say?

One of those days......

You know, it just started out wrong. I am talking about the day. I mean, here it is, 10:12am and I already know that I am not going to like this day. Why? What is it about this day that has made it bad before it really has gotten a chance get totally started? Nothing. That's right. Nothing at all. No major emergencies. No crises that needed attention. No happenings that made things go south quickly. I guess it has just been one of those days that I "woke up on the wrong side of the bed." What the Hell does that mean anyway? There is only one side of my bed that I can wake up on. Well, there are actually four sides to any bed that you can wake up on. There is only one that I would want to wake up on with my bed. I guess that is where the saying came from. The idea that if you woke up on a side, other than the one you are accustomed to, or the one that is the best to wake up on with the given circumstances you may not be very happy. I know that if I woke up anywhere but where I fell asleep, I would be worried. I share my bed with no one on a regular basis. The cat sometimes joins me but his tenure there is spotty and based on his playfulness level. Too playful, he is gone. Reason? If he is too playful I will inevitably end up with two very sharp fangs being sunk deeply into the cheek of my ass. Not fun at 3am. Trust me. The only other person that may sometimes end up there is Vivian. These rare occasions are usually short-lived. She does not like the way I snore. So, waking up on the wrong side of the bed is really not an option for me. I have but one side to wake up on. I think it is the fact that my phone has rung several times this morning from numbers that I do not recognize. I am one of those people that does not usually answer if I am not familiar with the number. I wait for a message. None of the unrecognized, ignored calls this morning on my phone left messages. That annoys the piss out of me. If you are a salesman, give me the courtesy of telling me this so I can ignore your phone number in the future. If you are a bill collector, you have the wrong number. If you are someone I know, leave a freaking message. How hard is that? I am not great at retuning calls but I do try.... This random number cell phone calling coupled with the fact that I know I have a bunch of crap to catch up on today being my only day off this week has just put me in a sour mood. Yes, I am wearing one of those saggy diapers that leak. Is there any cure? Any way to change my diaper? I can think of a few things but I am not going to hold my breath until they happen. I may be holding it for a looooonnnngggg time. I do feel better. I feel as though just by saying how grumpy I am, I am not as grumpy. That's pretty cool. Ah, the power of words.

Oh dear Lord... Not another music blog.....

Yes. In fact I am going to dedicate an entire blog to the subject of music. Why, oh, why? As I said in my previous blog.... My blog, my rules. You have a problem with it? Well, express it in the comments part at the end. I truly believe that there are few people in my vast readership that really don't like or at least somewhat agree with what I say about music. I am usually very positive and I can generally hit a nerve or two with many of you when it comes to music. This blog is going to probably hit more nerves among the parenting set but I think it may hit all of us that have parents, are parents or want to be parents. On Saturday night, I had a very rare opportunity to spend some quality time with the angel I call Vivian. The quality time is not what is so rare but rather the Saturday night time. In the restaurant business, Saturdays are busy days. No matter what capacity I am fulfilling at my current place of employ, I am rarely off on Saturday. There were extenuating circumstances that required me to be off this Saturday, so I was. I am so thankful that I was. After spending the day riding our bikes around Mesa (going down "The Hill" between Stapley and Horne on McKellips, you know the one, and shouting "THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!!!" at the tops of our lungs at exactly the same time), we got home and relaxed for a bit until it was time to gorge ourselves on pasta, pizza and that cinnamon thing at Cici's pizza. After walking off dinner through the neighborhood it was bath time and then the all important wind down hour. Vivian chose to watch the Zoey 101 scary Halloween movie which I chose to ignore. She soon realized that it was a bit to scary for her tastes and her attention turned to what I was writing about. It happened to be about her and the song "Unwritten." This prompted me to play it a few times as we danced and sang in our usual manner when this song plays. She then wanted to hear other songs and none of them grabbed her attention as much as "L-O-V-E" by Nat King Cole. I am not sure what it was about this song but there I was, dancing away with her to it several times. Well, she wanted to crank things up a bit so she asked if "I Like to Move It" (the Madagascar version by Sascha Baron Cohen which is the superior version) was on my play list. Sadly, it was not. I soon remedied this and we shook our tail feathers until well after 10pm. Then it was time to wind down so we listened to "Butterfly Kisses" (on my other play list thanks to a very special friend) and "Love Without End, Amen." I cried. She wiped my tears and comforted me. As I was tucking her and Hunter (the cat) in, I thought about how important these moments are. Even more, how important the music that accompanied these moments was. Forever, from now on, she will attach these songs to memories of me. No matter what happens to me. No matter what happens in our relationship. These songs will always bring a good memory of me to her. How amazing is that to think? Forever. That is a mighty long time. I added two songs to my main play list tonight. One is an incomplete version of a song that brings a flood of tears to my eyes whenever I hear even part of it. That's why I am okay with it's incompleteness. It's "The Perfect Fan" by the Backstreet Boys. It reminds me of all of the wonderful things that my mother has done for me and reminds me that she will always be my number one fan. The other song is one by Louis Prima and Keely Smith. My father tells me the whole story of Louis and Keely every single time he hears one of their songs and I am near. I also get the story if he happens to hear about The Jungle Book from myself or Vivian because Louis was the voice of King Louie, the orangutan. These songs are precious to me because of my parents. The songs that are precious to Vivian, I hope, are because of me. Need any other reason to put a soundtrack to your life? Try it.